


Monster Inside Me

by kimmiekimmie97



Category: Running Man RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 08:33:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30019011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimmiekimmie97/pseuds/kimmiekimmie97
Summary: “The monster were neverUnder my bedBecause the monsterwere inside my head.”-Nikita Gill
Comments: 2





	Monster Inside Me

** Monster Inside Me **

_“The monster were never_

_Under my bed_

_Because the monster_

_were inside my head.”_

_-Nikita Gill_

When I was child, I always imagine that monster is the scared things to keep us doing the things that parents told us. Just as simple things like go home before 5:00 pm because after 5:00 pm, monsters will be wondering around, but have you ever imagine that there always monsters living inside us since we born? Because I never imagine.

Monsters is always an imagine that be create by people around us like family. Monsters always be created as an ugly and scared thing that going to hunt us one day but we never actually or maybe meet the monsters. You know why?

Because the monster is us,

the monster is our voice,

the voice that always put us in fear yet want it more

the voice that scared yet so satisfying to hear it

the voice that come even in our sleep

the voice that questioning if we good enough

that the monster that live inside us

but only come out if the timing is right.

Monster that people created in television, drama or movie is always that destroyed the world or to take over the world. The monster that live inside is always me to destroyed myself, to make me take over my life. If you scared that created by people but the monster that live inside is more scared which make me fear with my live and only question I ask was where is my hero? Because ever drama and movie, there always heroes that helping to fight the monster but where is mine?

People said monster is used to be nice until there something that triggered that. I guess it is truth because to be nice is need a heart to open but if the nice heart only received a scars then the scars that been collected is slowing turn into monsters because the scars was pain to received but if the heart received it too often that how to heal it? Every scars take time to heal just like if we accidently cut our finger during cooking, it is take few days to heal but heart take a lot that just days to heal, it takes forgiveness, love and compassion. The heart probably has 3 of them inside of it but what if nothing inside the heart, is that make us a monster?

People said anger make us a monster, but I thought the pains is what make people slowly turn into monster but they said anger is pain too. For me, the pain is what make people anger that slowly turn us into monster. I was wonder if that make me a monster now. I was angry that it is so painful inside my heart which I never thought that I was gonna kill people inside my head. I think I am a monster because I imagine if I just kill that person that make me anger so that I will feel better. I think the monster is living inside me, slowly turn me into monster with the voice of fear.

I guess I was a monster because my mind is evil that my heart doesn’t know how to handle it. My mind and heart never corporate properly, when my heart is hurt, my mind is automatically thinking how to stop it that when the voice is come again, “there only one way to handle it”. The only question that I want to ask, “can I let the monster inside me win?” because I already slowly turn into monster so it’s a win-win situation, right?

People said it take a painful experience to turn someone into monster, here I am laughing at the quote.

Become a victim of bully which make me insecure about myself till I lose my voice until today,

losing my mother when I not ready,

being treat unfair because of my family background by other people,

being unfair even when I did better when everything I did make me qualification in something,

all my chance gave to other people and,

having nightmare every night,

living with heart that keep collect the scars.

Tell me now, is it qualify me to have monster inside me?

I should just be a monster or just let the voice take full control in me.

When I told someone about it, they said someone went through worse than you, but I was telling my stories right now, why mention other right now? If what I went through is better than other people than I should never hear a voice of monster right? Or maybe I just an overdramatic bitch?

I was being nice to other people, but why other was the one hurt me?

But when I just show how I feel, then have audacity to ask me being nice to other people?

Where is my right? Why when I do something, people look at me like I’m some kind of monster?

My name is Song Jihyo and this is my story.

_“I fear no monsters,_

_for no monsters I see._

_Because all this time_

_the monster has been me.”_

_-Nikita Gill_

** THE END  **

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time I posted at AO3, I'm nervous to see how people react to my story.  
> I hope you guys will leave comment down below~ Thank You


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